I grew up in an Indiana town… I had a good looking momma but she never was around. But I grew up tall and I grew up right, with those Indiana girls on those Indiana nights…Wait a second, no I didn’t. That was just the song that was playing just now. Anyway, I grew up in Canada, a Mr. Zachary Kristopher Magnumus, but after many years of scrutiny and having a name that sounded like a gay magician; I shortened it to Zakk Magnum. Now with a bitchin new name I moved to Long Beach and started my very first band called Spinal Clap, which was a Spinal Tap cover band. To my surprise we never went anywhere because apparently no one knew who Spinal Tap was… plus Spinal Clap kinda sounded like a new form of STD. So I picked up the pieces and found three really bitchin musicians and we became Glam Cobra. Now we get tons of hot chicks and rock peoples faces off for a living! The End.
Everyone knows that growing up in Northern Ca. you probably had a pretty boring life unless you were into big trees and hippy vans. So one day I went to Circuit City looking for a job but they weren’t hiring so I started playing guitar hero in the T.V. section and all the little kids kept beating me and saying that I sucked. After that I heard that playing real guitar would help you get hot chicks and I really wanted to rock; I bought videos on how to not suck at guitar, (that really was the title). Then it came to me; If I was gonna rock and get hot chicks on stage, all I needed was 3 things; 1st to play guitar and not suck. 2nd, have a really fast car, which I do, It’s a white Trans-Am with a Gold Eagle on the hood. It doesn’t’ have a motor yet, but next week I’m putting one in; The 3rd thing is; I’m not really sure what the 3rd thing is, but when I find out, I’ll post it on our facebook page. If you have those 3 key elements, you’re definitely going to be blowin’ minds on stage and bringing like 4 or 5 hot girls on the tour bus after every show. But your probably better off playing at some dumb local bar that gives you free beer. It’s way cheaper then going on tour!
I was born in Reseda California, clearly destined for the big time. After failing high school drama I tried getting an acting gig in the Porn industry in Chatsworth where all the other failed actors go. Turns out that theres like 50 or 60 other dudes out there trying to get paid to have sex on camera too. The only job I could find was working as a janitor for a porn company. Tired of pushing a mop around seven days a week and only getting to look at hot chicks, I decided it was time to start a band so that I would get all the hot chicks for myself. After a quick trip to the bass store I picked up my instrument and learned the only four notes you need to play bass; because the human ear can only hear a few low frequencies and the rest are used as whale calls… that must be why Zakk’s always busy after shows in the bathroom when I play those lower notes, and he never wears White spandex… anyways now I’m in a bitchin band meltin faces and getting hot chicks.
My story begins in my grandma's living room floor in Oildale, California. That’s where I discovered how awesome banging on pots and pans could be. They had Ritalin then but Grandma said “Hell no! Any kid that can bang on metal pots for 8 hours straight, gots to be special.” People said I was weird, but grandma new I wasn’t. Even though I was little, I knew I wanted to rock. So when I was 15, my grandma came in my room, threw a beer can at me, took her pots and pans and said, go buy some drums, your driving me crazy! And get me another 12 pack. I then set out to the nearest drum store and quickly learned how expensive drums and cymbals are. Luckily my professional gardener service was booming. I mowed the hottest lady on the blocks lawn, and another hot lady’s lawn after that. Before I knew it, I was mowing all the hot chicks lawns on my block. After saving for 9 years, I counted all the money under my mattress and I had just enough to buy the Tommy Lee signature drum kit with the upside down spinning cage. You’ll see it on our next world tour. The crappiest pawnshop in town had the best drum kit in the world, so I bought it! As I was loading the upside down cage, I looked over and saw Niki Faith trying on a women’s leather vest and man pumps for this band he was in. He said they needed a drummer, but no one in town had an upside down drummers cage. We quickly befriended each other and Glam Cobra was formed!